MASTERMINED!
by The Once and Future Prophet
Summary: Who orchestrated the Ultimate Downfall of Souske Aizen? If you think it's Ichigo, turn to page 202. If you think it's Urahara, turn to page 2. If you think it's...
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** _Anyone else unsatisfied with Aizen's defeat? For a guy who had formulated a plan so long in the making and then faced every single would be obstacle with a pompous ass smirk and an impossibly strong finger, he sure went to pieces almost instantly when Ichigo turned Deus Ex Machina Infinity Overdrive DX Alpha plus. Where's the victory or satisfaction in beating a child having a tantrum rather than the cool and collected villain we had been groomed to hate this whole time?_

 _So, I decided that the final scene would have been so much more appealing if there was a last second reveal that changed how we looked at a character completely, whether in fear or respect. They'll all take place at the moment the 'prologue' ends, and the list will descend from most likely at number 1 (in my humblest opinion) to the absurd and even completely insane all the way at 22. In fact, I might just make a spin-off for the last one since I liked it so much. There's also a rant embedded in here, so I dually apologize and stand by it._

 _And yes, I know the title's misspelled, fuck off!_

 **XXXXXXXXXX**

"-With this level of Kido!"

Just as he made this proclamation of contempt, the ivory 'skin' that covered Souske Aizen's right arm burst off, like the surface of an ancient statue, taking the remnants of Kyoku Suogetsu with it. The Man Who Would Be God turned his eyes on this, unaware that one of his eyes had returned to normal while the other still sat in a pool of amethyst.

"…what? What's happening to me?!" He stared in open shock at his thin, pale and most definitely mortal arm, as though the limb itself was the very reason that he was so suddenly being plunged into this unknown scenario. Surprisingly, an answer was forthcoming to the despotic turncoat.

"It is the Hougyokou's Will," Urahara solemnly declared, any and all mirth long gone from his scruffy visage. "The reason the seal I shot into you is only now taking affect, is because your powers are starting to weaken." He turned his head slightly to acknowledge the orange haired teenager sitting somewhat between him and the outmaneuvered former captain. "This is all thanks to Ichigo. The seal was able to take effect because he fought so hard and pushed you to your limit."

Souske breathed in in short bursts, his body coming down from requiring no earthly sustenance to once again requiring air. He knew that he should be able to understand where the shop keeper was going with this, but it was hard for him to think, to move; everything felt as though his body was scattered to different ends of a dream, and he could only watch and listen, something he hated beyond reason.

Urahara returned his unusually flat and emotionless gaze to Aizen, giving the impression of looking at nothing more than an uninteresting exhibit in a museum. "The Hougyokou…is saying that it doesn't recognize you as its master."

 **XXXXXXXXXX**

And then a chilling smirk washed over the young outlaw's face, something that he could no longer hide under a hat nor behind a fan. And even if he did have one of those, he wouldn't use it; this was the moment that he had been looking forward to for over a century in exile. "Exactly as I had planned."

Aizen, already slightly wild-eyed, began to look manic as the energy embedded in his flesh began to heat up, leaching away his energy to fuel its work. "What do you mean 'as you planned'? There was no way you could have foreseen Kurosaki obtaining such an evolution, let alone that he could injure me so greatly!"

But that grin never left Urahara's face, creating a disturbing resemblance to his protégé turned replacement. "On the contrary, I was the one who told Isshin about it in the first place, knowing that he would eventually either utilize it himself or help his son attain it, with the latter being the most likely."

He stepped towards the devolved godly being, prompting an instinctive step away, giving that devilish grin further vigor. "You see, I had always known that you would eventually try to fuse with the Hougyokou in a bid to reach the next level, as it was your only option left after realizing as I did that Soul Reapers and Hollows have only so much growth potential. You would then stagger the time of your ascendance with your obtaining of the Oken and entering the realm of the Soul King, as is your dramatic nature. It was simplicity itself to deduce that you would then take the time to beat and humiliate all those that opposed you, meaning that you became far too arrogant and unwilling to lower yourself to partake in simple defensive measures that you would have otherwise."

Aizen was glaring pure death now, but he couldn't shake the effects of the unknown Kido and move freely, though he was throwing all of his spirit energy at it in in a vain attempt to quash the demon magic before it took root and germinated. "You formulated such a flimsy plan in the spur of the moment! You're even madder than I believed!"

"Oh no, you misunderstand;" Kisuke wagged his finger, like he was scolding a disobedient child, "I didn't figure this out today, or yesterday, or last month: I had all of this planned out shortly before you arranged for us to be exiled from the Seireitei."

This bombshell had the intended result of making Souske gape at him like stunned fish, mismatched eyes staring at the debatably insane scientist in utter disbelief. His refusal to believe this was obviously en route, so the former Captain of Squad 12 preempted him by offering some explanation.

"Shinji never said so, but it was easy to determine that he not only mistrusted you, but outright suspected you of treachery on some level, though he never did get enough evidence until that night. I, on the other hand, was quite capable of monitoring your comings and goings, regardless of Kyoku Sougetsu's Complete Hypnosis. You see, you can trick people with it, but you can't trick machines. I had numerous monitoring devises installed in your quarters, your office, and even on your person so that every time you went somewhere, I had a record of it. All I had to do was check with those hat you were supposedly around to determine when you were actually present or simply using hypnosis so others thought you were."

There was a cyst-like substance swallowing Aizen's feet, moving upward at a creeping pace, slowly engulfing his body in its hungering embrace. "Impossible! There is no way that simple machines could overcome Kyokou Sougetsu's capabilities; you still would have been under my control!"

Kisuke merely shrugged nonchalantly, now casually walking in circles around the trapped traitor. "True, true, I was still affected by your shikai so I couldn't actually monitor progress. I _could_ , however, take note of consistent anomalies: detection charms that went off when nobody was nearby, camera's that looped the same image for several seconds, bugs that suddenly went silent for the length of time it would take for someone to walk past or have a conversation. But most telling were the tracers that I had put on you yourself. I bet you never even knew about those, did you? It's dangerous, making enemies with even a former member Squad 2 and then underestimating them. Anyways, those personal bugs weren't for me to directly track you, but rather to scan for where the signal _didn't_ come from, thus working around the Hypnosis."

At this point, Aizen could only stare wildly at the man he had never realized was his true opponent all along, a sense of surrealistic dread washing through his body like another kido (for all he knew at this point it very likely was).

"But I still didn't know your end game, so I had to wait until you tipped your hand and showed us what it was that you were planning. I eventually caught wind of attacks happening on Soul Reapers and residents of the rukongai, wherein no trace was left of the victim was left but their possessions. Admittedly, I passed this off as a new type of Hollow, same as all the rest; but then I managed to get ahold of some of the clothes and did a full examination, revealing that the only Hollow reishi apparent was also the same reishi of the victim. Child's play to make the obvious jump in logic that you were experimenting on merging Soul Reaper and Hollow to find that elusive transcendent evolution, and that you were undoubtedly going off of my research regarding the Hougyokou."

Ichigo, well on his way to being completely lost and still sitting on the ground in his depowered state, raised his hand to get Urahara's attention, subconsciously falling into the role of the student while the shop keeper acted out the Teacher. A nod from his occasional mentor prompted him to speak. "If you knew what it was that he was doing, then why didn't you stop him from hollowfying the Visoreds, or exiling you, Youruichi and Tessai?"

"Ah, that's simple:" Urahara waved his hand at the young savior, an effect that would have been better suited to having a folded up fan between his fingers. "We needed to be outside the system that Souske had so deeply infiltrated. We were restricted by the laws and customs, making any attempt at stopping him there futile so long as he had the ability to control those that would determine the outcome. So we let him have his little show and kick us out, really just doing us a favor and sparing us the trouble it would have taken to manufacture a reason for our disappearance." Behind him, Aizen slapped a hand to his forehead. "As for Shinji and the rest, I predicted that eventually someone with both Soul Reaper and Hollow powers would come along, and who better to train him than those who had already wrestled with their inner Hollow and won? I admit that it's not pretty, but they turned out alright, and I already knew that none of them had what it would take to put down Souske; remember what I said about a Soul Reaper having limited potential for growth?"

Aizen was now covered up to the waist by the rapidly hardening magical restraint, red blades of energy sprouting from the points in his back that the kido had been planted, and at Urahara's words the process of swallowing him sped up to a dramatic degree, forcing the once almighty schemer to actively fight against it to buy a few more seconds. He howled and raged, cursing the inventor and all of the Soul Society repeatedly, but it was all just words and he was soon vanished, replaced by a bone white spire that culminated in a triple cross emblem, the final stage of the _Ultimate Seal of Destruction_.

Silence now filled the valley, which would, in the intervening years, become known as the legendary site of Aizen's ultimate defeat and the place where one of the most powerful attacks ever was unleashed by a fifteen year old human substitute Soul Reaper.

It was both an inspiration and a punch-line.

Ichigo was mutely looking down at the ground by his feet, trying hard not to think too much on what he had just learned. It's one thing to learn that the majority of you r life was molded according to the whims of a tyrannical madman with delusions of godhood, but it was a completely different matter when that tyrannical madman with delusions of godhood was unconsciously following the plans of a very likely chemically unbalanced scientist with a penchant for nearly sadistic pranks and misdirection. It was these kinds of things that made him seriously wonder if anything he had ever done in his life was his own choice. Did he even like the cereal he ate because he liked it, or because one of these two lunatics decided that he should like it years earlier and arranged to have him be subliminally influenced towards that choice by way of reverse psychology and positive reinforcement?

' _…oh, my brain…should have tried harder…'_

Urahara walked backwards over to Ichigo's side, admiring his handiwork as he went. Eventually nodding to show his contentment, he looked down at the weakened and exhausted teenager with twinkling eyes. After a moment, he offered his hand. "Wanna get some ramen? There's a place I know in the 15th district that I've been wanting to go to for a century and now seems as good a time as any."

Ichigo slowly rubbed his head, trying to get the idea of Urahara and Aizen having an indirect argument over whether he should wear boxers or briefs out of his mind. He was now very glad indeed that he was going to lose his powers and become inconsequential to the machinations of Soul Reaper's.

"Only if you're buying."

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	2. Chapter 2

**XXXXXXXXXX**

"-With this level of Kido!"

Just as he made this proclamation of contempt, the ivory 'skin' that covered Souske Aizen's right arm burst off, like the surface of an ancient statue, taking the remnants of Kyoku Suogetsu with it. The Man Who Would Be God turned his eyes on this, unaware that one of his eyes had returned to normal while the other still sat in a pool of amethyst.

"…what? What's happening to me?!" He stared in open shock at his thin, pale and most definitely mortal arm, as though the limb itself was the very reason that he was so suddenly being plunged into this unknown scenario. Surprisingly, an answer was forthcoming to the despotic turncoat.

"It is the Hougyokou's Will," Urahara solemnly declared, any and all mirth long gone from his scruffy visage. "The reason the seal I shot into you is only now taking affect, is because your powers are starting to weaken." He turned his head slightly to acknowledge the orange haired teenager sitting somewhat between him and the outmaneuvered former captain. "This is all thanks to Ichigo. The seal was able to take effect because he fought so hard and pushed you to your limit."

Souske breathed in in short bursts, his body coming down from requiring no earthly sustenance to once again requiring air. He knew that he should be able to understand where the shop keeper was going with this, but it was hard for him to think, to move; everything felt as though his body was scattered to different ends of a dream, and he could only watch and listen, something he hated beyond reason.

Urahara returned his unusually flat and emotionless gaze to Aizen, giving the impression of looking at nothing more than an uninteresting exhibit in a museum. "The Hougyokou…is saying that it doesn't recognize you as its master."

 **XXXXXXXXXX**

The flapping of a loose haori was the only warning they got before somebody appeared across from Ichigo, turning their triangle formation into a diamond. The scornful eyes of Head Captain Genryusai Shigekuni Yamamoto seemed to sear Aizen just as his shikai would have.

"I warned you twice, but you paid me no heed: you are still just a naïve child."

"Old Man Yamamoto!" Ichigo called, rather unhelpfully at this point. "I thought you were still in the fake Karakura!"

"Merely taking a rest," the Head Captain remarked, which, coming from him, still managed to sound intimidating. "It took more energy than I had anticipated to break Aizen's shield, but still nothing more than I could handle."

"What!?" Aizen snarled, red points glowing on his back. "What do you mean 'break my shield'?!"

"Exactly that!" Yamamoto snapped, giving the impression that he would have slammed the butt of his gnarled cane into the ground for empathies if Ryujin Jakka wasn't already unsealed and hanging from his waist. "How else for the sealing kido to take root if the protective shield you placed over your back was still in place?"

Aizen looked like he was going to froth at the mouth, Urahara looked stricken that he hadn't known about the shield, and Ichigo just looked surprised. G.S. Yamamoto looked mildly unimpressed at everything in general.

"So…you predicted that I would cast the _Ultimate Seal of Destruction_ from behind?" Urahara inquired, seeming to shrink in on himself slightly.

"Of course I did! If you recall, the book that I arranged for you to acquire specifically stated that it was a Bakudo meant for ambush and surprise attacks."

"That was you?" Kisuke now looked ready to fall over, face suddenly pale and bloodless. "I thought it had just been Yoruichi playing around and leaving clues, but I…"

"Yourichi Shihoin did play a part, but it was only at my behest that she acted at all. I needed for you to get that information over time, in such a way that Aizen would not take notice."

"But that was over a hundred years ago, before I even became a Captain!"

Ichigo was watching this exchange with curiosity, and so too was Aizen. He was still violently raging and willing to bite all of their throats out if that's what it took, don't be mistaken, but he had and always would be an avid desirer of knowledge, so this revelation was not ignored by him. Still wanted to bite their throats.

"Indeed. The very fact that you became a Captain at all is testament to the influence I used to shape the flow of these last one hundred years. I needed for you to be in a position of power, where you could collect resources to better aid you in researching all of Aizen's possible weaknesses and any way to beat him. I would have promoted you sooner, but I needed for someone else to suggest your name, or else it would have been suspicious if I had taken sudden interest in the warden of the Maggot's Nest and made him the first seat of his own division. I also raised only minimal resistance when you proposed to turn the Twelfth into a Research and Development bureau. You every chance you could get."

"You knew? You knew all along that Aizen was a traitor and you told no one!?"

Yamamoto didn't anger at Urahara's raised voice, merely nodding once. "I have been aware of Souske Aizen since his childhood, when his enormous reitsu became apparent and he did not yet have the control to keep it in check. I would often unleash my own reitsu to counteract his own and avoid unnecessary deaths. I had it in mind to groom him to be my heir to the position of Head Captain, but he revealed his true colors before I could act."

Now it was Aizen that looked shell-shocked, gaping at his former superior as bands of a cyst-like substance began crawling up from his feet. "So it was you that I felt when I was asleep! I thought that it was merely an aberration in my own reishi that was causing it to develop separate signatures!"

"No, just me sitting outside your house while you had a nightmare or a temper tantrum." He tilted his head somewhat to indicate that he was again talking to Kisuke. "As for why I did nothing in all the years that I was aware of his true self, it is simple: by the time that I had discovered beyond a shadow of a doubt that Souske Aizen planned on at least usurping the 13 Court Guard Squads, he had already put all of the ranking officers in every squad under the effects of Kyoku Sougetsu, including Jushiro Ukitake, Shunsui Kyoraku, Yach-Retsu Unohana and myself. If I had confronted him, he would have responded as he did over the fake Karakura and decimate our forces without the chance for survival that we had today.

"I was forced to live with the knowledge that anything at all could be influenced by Aizen, and I tried to respond accordingly, acting passively and without revealing any ulterior motives. I maintained the secret communications and trade route with your shop under numerous proxies, I shielded the Ishida family as best I could from notice or interference from the Soul Society, and I never once attempted to track down the Visored or yourself to fulfill your sentences. If it were believed that I was heavily biased and unwilling to change my views, then any association with rebels, outlaws and ryoka would seem impossible, and thus something that Aizen couldn't manipulate in his favor, as it seemed I was already his pawn."

Aizen, at this point, had lost whatever self-control he may have had and was snarling at the three of them, clawing fruitlessly at the climbing reishei bonding spell that was quite assuredly covering him. With one final declaration to his superiority, the almost-god was completely ensnared and subdued, the only indication that he even existed being an imposing spire that spoke of the cruelty of the one trapped inside.

Yamamoto turned away and began walking off in the direction of the Seireitei, haori flapping lightly in the early morning breeze. "The both of you have my appreciation, and that of the entire Soul Society. Kisuke Urahara, now that the threat has passed and any governing body I'm more or less unwilling to completely incinerate is dead anyway, then you are officially cleared of all charges and lifted of your status as an exile. I apologize for using you as I did, but I assure you that it was a necessary sacrifice. That will be all."

Ichigo and Kisuke watched as the elderly Head Captain leisurely strolled off, looking for all the world like he had merely stepped outside to enjoy the pleasant day shortly after having one arm burned off at the elbow. At length, the blonde scientist chuckled and shook his head slightly. At his teenager companion's confused look, he gestured at the shrinking form of his once again superior.

"I just can't be mad at him when he had that whole, insane plan and followed it through for over three hundred years. Guy's more like me than I thought."

Ichigo blanched at the idea of an Urahara that was in a position of supreme power. Maybe Aizen hadn't been so bad after all…

 **XXXXXXXXXX**


	3. Chapter 3

**XXXXXXXXXX**

"-With this level of Kido!"

Just as he made this proclamation of contempt, the ivory 'skin' that covered Souske Aizen's right arm burst off, like the surface of an ancient statue, taking the remnants of Kyoku Suogetsu with it. The Man Who Would Be God turned his eyes on this, unaware that one of his eyes had returned to normal while the other still sat in a pool of amethyst.

"…what? What's happening to me?!" He stared in open shock at his thin, pale and most definitely mortal arm, as though the limb itself was the very reason that he was so suddenly being plunged into this unknown scenario. Surprisingly, an answer was forthcoming to the despotic turncoat.

"It is the Hougyokou's Will," Urahara solemnly declared, any and all mirth long gone from his scruffy visage. "The reason the seal I shot into you is only now taking affect, is because your powers are starting to weaken." He turned his head slightly to acknowledge the orange haired teenager sitting somewhat between him and the outmaneuvered former captain. "This is all thanks to Ichigo. The seal was able to take effect because he fought so hard and pushed you to your limit."

Souske breathed in in short bursts, his body coming down from requiring no earthly sustenance to once again requiring air. He knew that he should be able to understand where the shop keeper was going with this, but it was hard for him to think, to move; everything felt as though his body was scattered to different ends of a dream, and he could only watch and listen, something he hated beyond reason.

Urahara returned his unusually flat and emotionless gaze to Aizen, giving the impression of looking at nothing more than an uninteresting exhibit in a museum. "The Hougyokou…is saying that it doesn't recognize you as its master."

 **XXXXXXXXXX**

 _"_ _ **NO!**_ _" Aizen's roar was louder than his body should have been able to produce, making the loose stones on the ground rattle about like beads in a can. Kisuke and Ichigo both scrabbled backwards as an enormous outpouring of energy erupted from the aspiring deity, brightening the area until the point of near blinding. "I will not allow for one's such as you to best me! I AM THE ULTIMATE POWER!"_

 _With that, another wave of the unbearably strong reitsu gushed from him, obliterating the handful of red dots on his back that signified the implanted kido. Urahara gasped, but that was the only thing he had time for: in the next instant, the enraged turncoat had materialized in front of him, hand already descending in an unbelievably fast strike._

 _The inventor never even felt it before he fell, lifeless._

 _Ichigo cried out in shock and fear, witnessing as what had seemed to be a sure victory so quickly be ripped from their hands. Aizen looked over at the orange haired warrior, grinning manically while grinding the heel of his foot into Kisuke's neck and until he felt the crack of bones. A pinprick of purple energy appeared over his raised index finger, a deceptively small visible indicator to the vast amount of power that was stored within._

 _"Now, this is the final farewell Ichigo Kurosaki."_

 _Without any further preamble, he slashed his hand down again, this time with a scythe of power that cleaved into Ichigo's body from shoulder to waist. A spout of blood coated the ground in front of him, soon covered by the body it had come from._

 _At last, the overconfident ryoka had been exterminated; slaughtered after rising to his highest possible peak in strength and failing to follow through with his boastful words._

 _"Everything is as it should be, and I am no longer opposed on my path to unmaking the crumbled and corrupted pillar that supports this-"_

"-zhish unjussht thithtem…" Aizen dribbled, laying in a contorted pile on the hard cement, twitching every now and again when his fried brain sent another signal to the limbs, only for the rest of the body to sabotage it en route.

Watching the sad excuse for an overlord, the three human friends of Ichigo Kurosaki kept a safe distance, having learned that his thrashings could still deal some damage, as evidenced by Kurumadani's throbbing nose. Slightly further away, Rangiku Matsumoto was finishing up the bandaging of Gin's burnt arm. The trickster was grinning from ear to ear, though it was thankfully a straight up smile without any hidden messages or intentions to disturb. Maybe

"Alright," the lieutenant of the 10th started, slowly so as to avoid any and all chance for her childhood friend to mistake the seriousness in her intent, "I can accept that you've been a triple agent this whole time, and that you've pretty much done all of this for my benefit." The fox faced former captain nodded, like he was agreeing more than confirming. "And looking back, it is easier to see that you were working the sidelines pretty hard, albeit in your own weird way." Gin looked off to the side for a moment, an expression of earnest contemplation briefly flitting across his face before the grin returned full force and he again nodded, more enthusiastically than before.

"Always did know how t' flatter, eh Ran?" He wiggled his eyebrows at her with no small amount of good humor. She favored him with a friendly punch to the shoulder, one that would have leveled anyone below third seat flat on their ass and was promptly ignored by the shinigami elite.

"But what I want some clarification is just WHAT THE HELL did you do to Aizen?" She gesticulated at the frothing madman, who the mortals were now making something of a game of by stepping forward, poking him with the toe of their shoe, and then jumping over the limb that would reactively fling out towards them. It was a bit like jump rope, actually, but with more Souske Aizen.

"Ah, well y'see I might'n have given Aizen there a bit a' misdirection." The redhead gave him a stern look that brokered no more evading the question. Ichimaru held out for a few seconds, grinning without care at the lovely yet annoyed lieutenant, before that grin shrank a few notches and he cleared his throat, all without ever breaking from the impish impression he was trying to maintain. "When I got em' with ma' Bankai, I said that Shinso released a neurotoxin that broke down cells. This may or may not have been a slight fib, seein' as it actually is just a _reeeeaaaaally_ strong hallucinogenic. But if he'd known the truth, then the Hougyokou wouldda' healed him completely as he would be fearin' the hallucinogenic rathern' the toxin. So I just fudged the facts a little so that the little pop rock of destiny wouldn't work on the right track and actually help n' fryin' his brain. Clever, eh?"

Rangiku couldn't stay mad when he gave her his 'honest smile', and she had to duck her head so that he didn't immediately see the matching one on her face. Sometimes, just sometimes, she admitted that Gin really was the smartest and most devilish person she knew, and had never once feared for her life while he was around. But that was usually accompanied by a gratuitous intake of alcohol so that anyone within earshot would remember her admission in the same setting as the strip tease dancing Lieutenant Iba and a particularly foul-mouthed Momo, so no harm no foul right?

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	4. Chapter 4

**XXXXXXXXXX**

"-With this level of Kido!"

Just as he made this proclamation of contempt, the ivory 'skin' that covered Souske Aizen's right arm burst off, like the surface of an ancient statue, taking the remnants of Kyoku Suogetsu with it. The Man Who Would Be God turned his eyes on this, unaware that one of his eyes had returned to normal while the other still sat in a pool of amethyst.

"…what? What's happening to me?!" He stared in open shock at his thin, pale and most definitely mortal arm, as though the limb itself was the very reason that he was so suddenly being plunged into this unknown scenario. Surprisingly, an answer was forthcoming to the despotic turncoat

.

"It is the Hougyokou's Will," Urahara solemnly declared, any and all mirth long gone from his scruffy visage. "The reason the seal I shot into you is only now taking affect, is because your powers are starting to weaken." He turned his head slightly to acknowledge the orange haired teenager sitting somewhat between him and the outmaneuvered former captain. "This is all thanks to Ichigo. The seal was able to take effect because he fought so hard and pushed you to your limit."

Souske breathed in in short bursts, his body coming down from requiring no earthly sustenance to once again requiring air. He knew that he should be able to understand where the shop keeper was going with this, but it was hard for him to think, to move; everything felt as though his body was scattered to different ends of a dream, and he could only watch and listen, something he hated beyond reason.

Urahara returned his unusually flat and emotionless gaze to Aizen, giving the impression of looking at nothing more than an uninteresting exhibit in a museum. "The Hougyokou…is saying that it doesn't recognize you as its master."

 **XXXXXXXXXX**

"As if it ever did," Shinji Hirako scoffed, landing lightly several paces off, his gangly form at complete ease with zanpacuto unsheathed and propped against his shoulder. There wasn't a sign of the injury dealt to him by the very man he was watching succumb to kido imprisonment, save for the gash in his shirt; most likely due to the ministrations of one of the 4th healers at hand in the Karakura mock-up. The lack of injury, that is; nobody really envisioned members of the 4th going 'round and cutting up people's clothes.

"Shinji? What are you- what do you mean?" Ichigo tried to ask, but he spoke at the same time as Kiuske.

"Are you saying that the Hougyokou-"

The two unaffiliated soul reapers looked at each other in slight aggravation before Ichigo shrugged and looked away, the general sign language of a teenager that he was bowing out of speaking first. Kiuske briefly reflected on how unfortunate it was that not all conversations were like in fiction where everybody could sound almost like they had rehearsed their conversations in advance, and not just trample over everybody else because they weren't thinking about anything but what they were saying when they said it. He quickly brushed this off.

"Are you saying that the Hougyokou was deceived into believing Souske unworthy of bearing it?"

The blond Visored grinned his Cheshire smile, unnaturally large teeth showing quite clearly. "Got it in one, Kiuske. Little Aizen here has been deluding himself from the very beginning; before he even showed his true colors, in fact." He strode carelessly toward them, taking every measure to appear completely at ease despite the charged tension that was in the air all around them.

"You can't possibly pretend to have thought this far in advance!" Aizen spat, feeling as the ultimate binding kido took effect over his body. "You were always MY puppet, MY pawn!"

The unofficial leader of the Visored shrugged casually, not even looking at his former lieutenant. "True, in a sense. You were always in control of events that played out, and more often than not the people around you as well. There's nothing I have ever done to change this fact." He shrugged again, but he held the pose this time: shoulders bunched up near his chin, arms positioned as dual 'v's and hands opened palms upwards. "All I ever did, was make it so that it was _yourself_ that was never truly in your own control."

The world lurched nauseatingly, everything suddenly appearing in negative colors for a brief flash before reverting to normal. Except now there were a few changes that the other three noticed. The first noticeable was that Shinji now had his arms positioned in the exact opposite form as before, with them facing downwards instead. Another thing of note was that they were all now facing the opposite direction as they had been a second before, with the small plateaus at their own backs.

Then Aizen was screaming, both in rage and shock. Ichigo and Urahara looked back at their nemesis, wondering just what would cause this redoubled outburst; their answer was obvious at first glance: where he had once been whole and hearty, Aizen now sported a stump from the elbow where his non sword arm had been before.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!" the turncoat roared, clutching at the missing limb even as the Seal of Ultimate Destruction crept up to envelop him.

"Turns out that you have a pretty bad habit of blocking sword strikes with your bare hands, and sometimes you completely underestimate those behind the blades. You ended up losing that arm in a joint squad excursion to a surprise attack from a previously unknown class of Hollow, now known as Arrancar. By this point I was already suspicious of you and had discreetly put you under the effects of Sakanade, so it was actually pretty easy to trick you into believing that you still had your arm."

"That's not possible! Your Zanpacuto doesn't have that kind of power, you said yoursel-"Aizen stopped in mid sentence, probably realizing the hypocrisy that he had been about to unleash.

"Correction: what I said was that Sakanade reverses and confounds your perception. I never said that this was limited solely to simple visual inversions." He twirled the sword in question much like a walking stick and reminiscent of his shikai. "Are you starting to understand yet, Souske? Why don't you give him a hand Kisuke."

Urahara seemed to be feeling slightly sick, likely due to the unexpected reversal of what had already been a reversal, and also a little bit at the terrible and hopefully unintended pun. But he mustered himself quickly enough. "If what Shinji says is accurate, then his shikai has the ability to make it seem that the opposite of what is true is the actual reality. In this case, Aizen has been missing his arm this whole time, but we all saw that he still had it since it was the opposite of what was true." He paused, looking down at the ground for a few seconds. "That was more confusing than I thought it was going to come out as."

"Ah don't worry about it; anyone I tell about it never gets it in the first try either," Shinji leaned back, apparently still trying hard to look perfectly at ease. "Unlike Souske's, my shikai can't actually trick your mind to the extent of manipulating it into seeing whatever I want, but if used correctly then it can really cover a lot of ground in terms of undermining an opponent."

"But what does this have to do with anything? Why is it important that Aizen is missing a hand? Why didn't he notice this whole time?" Ichigo burst out, wanting an answer after all of the backwards talk. Aizen silently agreed while still struggling against the kido spell.

"In reverse order, because the first two questions are pretty much the same, the reason Souske never realized he never had a hand was because his mind never let him." Three sets of deeply confused eyes (well, Aizen now had two different eyes, but…technicalities people!) were riveted to the former captain, not wanting to interrupt any explanation. "See, if his brain believes what my shikai has reversed is the truth, then it will automatically work with it without compromising the integrity of the reversal."

"…" Ichigo inquired.

"…" Urahara wondered aloud.

"…" Aizen demanded.

"Exactly. So even though he doesn't have that hand, he perceives it as though he does while his body compensates. Like he'll actually be using the other one, or using some unconscious kido to do the action for him. Another aspect of my shikai is that I can control who can see it and who can't; so in this case I just had everybody but me see that he still had a hand. So long as they were close to Sakanade's mist they were affected, and I poured enough onto you over the years that traces of it lingered in your reitsu for over a century, insuring that the reversal would still hold even after you managed to drive me away, something I saw coming from miles away, by the way."

"…" Aizen roared, displaying the true depths of his rage. The seal was now up to his chest.

"As for why it's important that you were short a limb, it's really a matter of perspective. See, back then I was one of Kiuske's few captain friends, and I was also close to Hiyori, his lieutenant at the time," At the mention of the little blonde demon in sandals, the grinning visored's face noticeably shadowed with apprehension, having left before a complete diagnosis could be made for her wounds. "It wasn't all that difficult to weasel information about the Hougyokou out of the pair of them, and it soon became apparent that the thing was 'alive' and could actually choose who used it depending on an antiquated sense of strength and worth. So what, I ask the three of you, would happen if the person wielding the Hougyokou had a weakness that he never acknowledged, never tried to overcome and never even accepted?"

As one, the three members of his audience dropped their jaws in disbelieving shock. There was an unstable silence for several seconds, finally broken by Souske, actually getting sounds out this time.

"Let me get this straight: to trick the Hougyokou, something that transcends the boundaries established as proven fact and immortal laws of reality, into only granting me a fraction of the power I thought it would and then turning against me…you bullshited it?"

"Yup!" Shinji intoned, smile making a reappearance. Aizen could only stare, aghast, at his former captain as the seal completed its formation and locked him away, forgetting even to make a bold statement of revenge as it did so. "And the best part," the impish tactician winked at his two compatriots, "is that he's going to be stuck with the headache of figuring all that out for as long as he's sealed. Happy trails, Hans!" Shinji flicked his fingers in a lazy farewell at the imposing statue of kido before taking off to return to the Karakura facsimile, leaving the two others with headaches of their own.

 **XXXXXXXXXX**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN:** _prepares soapbox_

 **XXXXXXXXXX**

"-With this level of Kido!"

Just as he made this proclamation of contempt, the ivory 'skin' that covered Souske Aizen's right arm burst off, like the surface of an ancient statue, taking the remnants of Kyoku Suogetsu with it. The Man Who Would Be God turned his eyes on this, unaware that one of his eyes had returned to normal while the other still sat in a pool of amethyst.

"…what? What's happening to me?!" He stared in open shock at his thin, pale and most definitely mortal arm, as though the limb itself was the very reason that he was so suddenly being plunged into this unknown scenario. Surprisingly, an answer was forthcoming to the despotic turncoat.

"It is the Hougyokou's Will," Urahara solemnly declared, any and all mirth long gone from his scruffy visage. "The reason the seal I shot into you is only now taking affect, is because your powers are starting to weaken." He turned his head slightly to acknowledge the orange haired teenager sitting somewhat between him and the outmaneuvered former captain. "This is all thanks to Ichigo. The seal was able to take effect because he fought so hard and pushed you to your limit."

Souske breathed in in short bursts, his body coming down from requiring no earthly sustenance to once again requiring air. He knew that he should be able to understand where the shop keeper was going with this, but it was hard for him to think, to move; everything felt as though his body was scattered to different ends of a dream, and he could only watch and listen, something he hated beyond reason.

Urahara returned his unusually flat and emotionless gaze to Aizen, giving the impression of looking at nothing more than an uninteresting exhibit in a museum. "The Hougyokou…is saying that it doesn't recognize you as its master."

 **XXXXXXXXXX**

"That's not possible!" Aizen raged, experiencing the colossal drop in power that came with the sealing kido's progression. His body was seizing up, slowly but surely, and he couldn't bring about the truly terrifying power that had been at his fingertips not a minute before. Whatever forgotten or forbidden bakudo Urahara had used, it should not have anything near this effect on him, having being cast on a being far superior to the caster.

"You always were so literal minded," Youruichi chided as she appeared in a burst of flash step, seemingly materializing from thin air. "It never did you any good when it came to problem solving."

Naturally, the three already present were taken aback by the Flash Goddess' unprecedented arrival, her presence being just about the last that they had expected. The mischievous former Captain had apparently reclaimed her usual orange over shirt since they had seen her last and she looked none the worse for wear from her defeat against the larvae form of Aizen's transformation.

"Yoruichi," Ichigo gasped in surprise, an annoying habit he had yet to recognize, "what are you doing here? Is my dad with you? Are the others okay?" Another habit was firing off questions faster than the person could answer. It was as aggravating as anyone but Ichigo would believe; he only acknowledged it when it was directed at him and then scorned the person doing so. _Why is this guy our hero? I mean, he's only fifteen, and I remember just how colossal of an asshole I was at fifteen, not to mention an anime character who is oh so broody and serious that his hair had to be orange lest, I don't know, he was even slightly relatable!_

 _I mean sure, we all wish that we could be like Ichigo when it comes to his obscene power and desire to protect those closest to him, but looking back it's a wonder anyone overlooked just how much shit he kicked up and then refused to take responsibility for. It's these kinds of things that make it hard to envision any kind of future for him except something like the next Kenpachi or something. The guy has next to no job prospects when he has an undeniable addiction to fighting, a hero complex, is highly volatile when something isn't going his way, nigh on impossible to sway on any matter he's formed an opinion on, reckless to the point of throwing his life at insurmountable danger with only his own_ _belief_ _that he'll win (and that shit don't cut it anywhere else 'sides anime), and a blatent disregard to his friends and allies' contributions, which would lead back to the Hero complex thing._

 _And if you think I'm just hating Ichigo for no reason, or that I'm woefully uninformed about Bleach, then you'd be pretty damn wrong. I can appreciate the good aspects of a character just as well as the bad, but very few people actually want to recognize how flawed their animated idols actually are, and that irks me in a way little else besides blatantly horrid grammar does. If you acknowledge the bad things, then the good shines all the brighter, damn it! Don't just foist them up as shining examples of what we should be, or strive to emulate in the misinterpretation that our lives are insignificant, or are underdeveloped. We are the ones who decide how our lives and those around us play out, and while having a role model is good, trying to base our lives around fictitious characters is a wholly despicable waste and a sign of cowardice, of not facing life head on and shouting "Come On! You're cruel and unforgiving, merciless and without pity, the truest enemy that we all must face! But I'll tell you what: I won't just take it, I won't just stand here and allow all that I can be to slip away and forever be lost to me!_ _ **NO!**_ _I will stand tall and weather the storm and endure the injuries, for I am a person who is capable of so much, and to allow myself to be suppressed by my own fears would be the ultimate defeat and I WON'T ACCEPT THAT!"_

…

… …

… … … …

… … … … …

… _I'm sorry about that. I get a little frustrated sometimes and it just bubbles over every now and again. I think I watch too much anime._

 _Now, where were we? Ah yes-_

"Well, if you must know, Ichigo, I came to make sure that my long work had paid off." She turned her amber eyes towards the self-proclaimed god, sizing him up as a feline would a mouse. How fitting. "I'm pleased to say that it most assuredly had."

"What are you blathering about?" Souske snarled, reacting defensively to her confident tone and posture.

"I have to wonder the same thing," Urahara admitted. "To what, exactly, are you referring to?"

"Weeeeellll," the Shihoin heir drawled languidly, enjoying drawing out the moment as much as she could, "it came to my attention some one hundred odd years ago that little Souske here was gathering reishei from unwilling participants. It wasn't hard to find out the reason. After all, I was the leader of the Stealth Force, and that usually entitles some good degree of intel gathering skills, doesn't it?"

"How did you find out about him?" the exhausted teenager spoke up again, experiencing an odd sense of déjà vu with all of this.

"Again, 'Leader of the Stealth Force'. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that it was cake for me to spy on Aizen's comings and goings at my leisure.

Urahara, an undisputed genius, blushed in embarrassment, realizing he had in fact failed to make that assumption, despite actually once being part of the Stealth Force himself.

"So, when I reasoned out what it was that he was harvesting all of that reishei for, I decided to take steps to undermine him. I sent out members of the Second with traces of my own reishei mixed with their own to act as bait for your cronies to siphon off. Once I repeated this enough times, I barely had the strength to escape with Kiuseke, Tessai and the Visored. The next century was spent both recuperating and quietly touching the stored up reishei that was now in your homemade Hogyouko, shaping it in the desired form. You are aware that the Hogyoukou is sentient do you not?" She raised an eyebrow at the ensnared mastermind, prompting him to spit on the ground as the kido reached his shoulders. "Well, I more or less made it think in the way that I wanted it to."

"You lie!" The formerly quiet tyrant exploded, shaking off the cysts of restraint around him, buying just a few more seconds of free air. "There's no way you could have controlled the will of the Hogyoukou! It cannot be done!"

"You're correct about that, but you misunderstood me. I didn't say that I was controlling its thoughts, said that I made it think the way I wanted it to; its thinking patterns basically. I shaped its mind into something I was very familiar with, something that would nap often and impede you, something that would declare you unfit to be its master at the drop of a hat, something that would prove difficult to manage if not given the proper level of respect and love it required." She stepped forward, right up to Aizen and leaned in to smile right in his stunned face. Her next words were for him, but Ichigo and Kiuske heard them anyway.

"I made the Hogyoukou think like a cat."

 **XXXXXXXXXX**


	6. Chapter 6

**XXXXXXXXXX**

"-With this level of Kido!"

Just as he made this proclamation of contempt, the ivory 'skin' that covered Souske Aizen's right arm burst off, like the surface of an ancient statue, taking the remnants of Kyoku Suogetsu with it. The Man Who Would Be God turned his eyes on this, unaware that one of his eyes had returned to normal while the other still sat in a pool of amethyst.

"…what? What's happening to me?!" He stared in open shock at his thin, pale and most definitely mortal arm, as though the limb itself was the very reason that he was so suddenly being plunged into this unknown scenario. Surprisingly, an answer was forthcoming to the despotic turncoat.

"It is the Hougyokou's Will," Urahara solemnly declared, any and all mirth long gone from his scruffy visage. "The reason the seal I shot into you is only now taking affect, is because your powers are starting to weaken." He turned his head slightly to acknowledge the orange haired teenager sitting somewhat between him and the outmaneuvered former captain. "This is all thanks to Ichigo. The seal was able to take effect because he fought so hard and pushed you to your limit."

Souske breathed in in short bursts, his body coming down from requiring no earthly sustenance to once again requiring air. He knew that he should be able to understand where the shop keeper was going with this, but it was hard for him to think, to move; everything felt as though his body was scattered to different ends of a dream, and he could only watch and listen, something he hated beyond reason.

Urahara returned his unusually flat and emotionless gaze to Aizen, giving the impression of looking at nothing more than an uninteresting exhibit in a museum. "The Hougyokou…is saying that it doesn't recognize you as its master."

 **XXXXXXXXXX**

"That is partially correct."

A voice spoke, seemingly coming from Ichigo despite not being the owner. The orange haired youth was as startled as the others were, looking at himself with alarm and no small amount of trepidation.

This was warranted, as it turned out, for not a second later a terrible pain blossomed in his chest, causing him to cry out. While the pain was intense, he could still manage to realize that it was all coming from just one point, the exact spot where he had been blasted through with a Cero Oscuras before returning to Karakura.

And then it moved up.

Eyes wide, Ichigo could do nothing as whatever it was that was causing him so much pain began to approach his mouth, an incredible amount of pressure building with it. When it seemed that he would actually explode, release was given and a stream of ink black dust spouted from between his lips. Instead of falling all around him, the mist rose into the air and collected itself into a swirling ball, growing in size until the sickening excretion stop coming forth and Ichigo collapsed onto his hands, heaving for breath.

The mass of particles continued to roil in on itself, continuously moving in several different directions at once. Eventually, a discernible shape began to form as the sphere protruded in five separate directions, making a sort of star. In a few seconds, all but one of the points of the star continued to stretch and thin until it became evident that they were all actually looking at the reformation of a humanoid body.

Quickly, the rest of the figure filled in and details were recreated until an entirely black silhouette floated just above their heads, arms outstretched. It drifted downward, as if on wings of gossamer and feather. When its feet touched the ground, the enveloping mist was finally expelled, and the reconstituted person beneath was revealed.

Twin exclamations of shock could be heard from both the foiled mastermind and the boy who had stopped him. Green eyes regarded both of them with detachment before hands found their way into pockets.

"Must you gape?" Ulquiorra Cifer inquired, looking bored beyond emotion and back to his normal form.

"But...you died! I saw you dissolve." Ichigo seemed to be having a problem closing his mouth. Aizen seemed to be having the opposite problem, looking like he really wanted to say something, but his jaw remained clenched.

"You did indeed see the destruction of my physical from, but my essence is much harder to annihilate than that. In fact, so long as there is a way for it to take shelter in a safe environment and regenerate, my spirit is almost indestructible. When the time came, I found that refuge in you, Ichigo. Specifically in your Bankai."

"You actually hid yourself in Ichigo? Wouldn't he have noticed your presence?" Urahara inquired, too intrigued to draw Benihime.

"Yeah, I want to know the answer to that as well!" Ichigo seemed to have recovered a measure of his attitude as he was now scowling at the uninvited body invader.

"You did notice me. In fact, I met you face to face, in my pre-hollowfied form due to your human soul that I was residing in. To my surprise, you believed me to be somebody else: your Zanpakuto spirit, Tensa Zangetsu."

Ichigo's whole face went white, drained of blood as assuredly as if he had been bled dry. "N-no…that can't…."

"Your subconscious belief that I was your sword projected onto me and I was able to wield both a version of your sword and merge with that other entity that dwelt within your soul, the one with the Hollow powers."

"My inner Hollow?" Ichigo asked, somewhat dumbly as his mind still needed to catch up.

"No, I said 'with Hollow powers'. I would recognize a Hollow when I see one, no matter where I may be."

"Then why…why did you teach me Mugetsu!?" The substitute soul reaper discovered a hidden reservoir of strength and bounded to his feet, closing the distance between them and grabbing onto the front of Ulquiorra's arrancar jacket. The emotion deficient espada merely gave him a mildly reproachful glance before prying the human's fingers off of him and stepping back.

"Your reasons for fighting Aizen were not particularly unique, nor were they reserved to mortals and shinigami. Hollows also experienced his reign and it is nothing that we would ever require or desire. Souske Aizen has been an enemy of all Hollows the moment he set foot in Hueco Mundo."

He never once even looked at Aizen as he put a little distance between himself and Ichigo, not wanting for another violation of his space. "Hollows are instinctive, by nature, and having someone come along and declare themselves our ruler through brute strength and guile alone is and was an abhorrent affront to our very nature. Not even Baraggan Louisenbairn had the audacity to impose his might over all of Hueco Mundo – just his realm of Los Noches, despite all of his grandstanding and boastful claims." His glassy eyes looked off into the distance, perhaps seeing something from long ago.

"I observed Souske Aizen's comings and goings in our realm for years, watching as he gathered forces and bent the wills of the most powerful Gillians, Adjuchas and Vasto Lorde under his control, creating an army that could, in all rights, utterly destroy the Soul Society and eliminate our natural enemy." His monotone voice didn't give off enough inflection to surmise his mood, but Ichigo had crossed blades with him enough times to recognize when the subtle flames of anger danced behind his stony visage. "But I saw it for what it was: servitude and blatant amassing of fodder for the blades of his foes to wet themselves upon and give him an opening.

"I revealed myself to his forces and was swiftly inducted into his Espada, quickly attaining the rank of _Quatro_. From that level of authority it was much simpler to keep watch and formulate a plan, even while Aizen took measures to ensure that no single Espada knew any more than what he wanted to know. He often employed the use of his Zanpakuto to ensure loyalty among the ranks, putting us under complete hypnosis time and again to constantly renew the spell."

He reached up then and, to Ichigo's horror, Urahara's interest and Aizen's mounting sense of realization, plucked his left eyeball from his head as though it was just a glass replacement. This imagery was not dispelled as he tensed his hand and crushed the orb, shattering it into small flecks of bright dust. In seconds, a new eye grew to replace the old and Ulquiorra looked completely unbothered by the process, though that wasn't much of a change from his usual status so it wasn't really very telling.

"However, as you just witnessed, it is possible for me to replace my eyes without effort, thus rendering Kyoku Sougetsu's power null. I would repeat this process whenever I saw Aizen, to ensure that I could always see through his illusions, though I kept one eye that he had hypnotized so I could act along with his illusions to avoid suspicion." He noticed that Ichigo was still gaping at where he had crushed his old eyeball. Reaching over, he smacked the back of the orange haired head to get his attention back on track. The substitute soul reaper glowered as he rubbed at his now sore skull. "Focus. I intend to only say this once."

"Well you didn't have to hit me!" the irritable teen snapped. To his shock and no small amount of dread, Ulquiorra rolled his eyes at this remark.

"I had to stab you to reveal the obvious. Or did you conveniently forget that fact?" Ichigo said nothing. "Better. Now, as I was saying, I infiltrated into the highest circle of power that Aizen allowed close to himself, pantomiming a fanatical loyalty to be the least obtrusive in his plans, gathering information all the time and awaiting my chance. This did not arrive for decades, not until you and I first met, Ichigo."

Ichigo, who was being continuously weirded out by Ulquiorra's constant use of his first name alone, exchanged looks with both Urahara and Aizen: more or less consisting if the silent message _'Why does this all seem so familiar?'_

"When Yammy and I were sent to reconnoiter the Living World, I had no idea just what we would find there. Aizen had told us of a particularly strong human with shinigami powers, but I had discounted it as mere over caution. But then I actually met that boy, and to my surprise I found in him the perfect warrior to defeat Aizen with. I could no longer contend with his might, now that I had stayed my hand for too long and he had an army of arrancar at his beck and call along with the Hogyokou. He knew of my every move and I couldn't hope to outmatch him in sheer power. But with a wild card such as Ichigo on the field, then I had the opportunity to play on his over confidence and subtly groom Ichigo into being strong enough to overpower him.

"I first allowed two different groups of arrancars to depart to the Human World with the sole intent to kill any with strong spirit pressures, knowing that Ichigo would have to fight and subsequently grow stronger. I next captured Orihime Inoue, counting on her to visit Ichigo in the night and give him the drive to rescue her from _Los Noches_. He would have to manifest and enforce his control over his inner Hollow if he wanted a chance of facing any of the espada, and he did exactly that, succeeding even better than I had surmised.

"But when we crossed paths once more, I could immediately tell that he wasn't anywhere near strong enough to contend with the likes of Aizen, or even Ichimaru and Tosen. I had to jumpstart his strength the only way I suspected would work: by triggering his Hollow's safety measures and bolstering his power through growth after a near death situation. The results were encouraging, but I knew that he needed more. If Ichigo subconsciously strove to match his current opponent's level, no matter how high it was compared to his own, then he usually succeeded. But for him to get as high as I could take him, I needed to risk it all by attacking him with my full power, and not hold back."

The pale arrancar looked sidelong at Ichigo, and for a moment it seemed to the teenager that those large green eyes that he had seen the specter of death in now spoke with the soft voice of regret, almost asking for forgiveness. But the moment was over as quickly as it had come and Ichigo was left to ponder what he knew about the Quatro Espada.

"I effectively killed him above the dome of _Los Noches_ , and I believed that all my work had been for nothing and I had doomed all Hollows to languish under the heel of a usurper god. Admittedly, I took my frustration out on the Quincy boy, needlessly tormenting him. I had just decided that my only remaining course of action was to confront Aizen and simply try for a miracle when one of a different kind occurred: Ichigo returned. Granted, it was with his Hollow in control and as a mindless Vasto Lorde, but he was once more alive and his power had skyrocketed beyond even myself. He had become exactly what I had needed to crush Aizen once and for all.

"But, thanks to the constant meddling of Inoue, I did not wish for Ichigo to continue on as a Hollow, and stalled his bestial form until he had managed to regain control. By then, the damage to my body was far too severe to hope to regenerate it then, so I sought out my hiding spot, handily one that I had already laced with my own reitsu the past two times I had nearly killed him. Once there, I allowed our two energies to mingle, granting you some of my power and allowing me to heal at an accelerated rate. In this way, I accidentally integrated myself into your inner world, where I met Zagetsu.

"He already knew of me, of course, and proved hostile initially. We fought inside that inverted world of Ichigo's as he recovered and traveled back to the human world. I wasn't nearly at full strength, but he had also temporarily lost the support of his Hollow-like partner, so I wasn't just wiped away, nor was he obliterated. But when he stopped fighting against Ichimaru, the two of us halted when everything started to flood. Deciding that it was for the benefit of all if I revealed my intentions, I proposed an alliance with Zangetsu for the purpose of preparing you for your fight with Aizen, and he eventually agreed, though not without reservations.

"He told me about the Final Getsugo Tenshou, and what it entailed. He had no desire to teach it to Ichigo, so I volunteered for the task. He merged partly with me, to offset the comatose state that the Hollow powers were in and together we confronted Ichigo. While we were fused, our powers were still mostly separate, and it was only due to Ichigo projecting onto me, as I stated earlier, that allowed me to act as Zangetsu's substitute. When our training was over and we had successfully transferred the knowledge of the Getsugo Tenshou, I had recovered the majority of my strength and was ready to resume my own form. But I opted to remain and lend what strength I could, partially to ensure that Ichigo could handle anything he faces, and also to make sure that Aizen got what was coming to him.

"By the point Ichigo used the Getsugo, I had seen for myself that he could handle-"

"Ulquiorra!" Ichigo interrupted, waving his hand in front of the Arrancar's face; he had been trying to get his attention for a few minutes already, but the Espada liked to monologue.

"What?" Ulquiorra retorted, more snappish than usual. He **really** liked his monolouges.

"Aizen's already sealed," Ichigo explained, gesturing over his shoulder at the completed _Ultimate Seal of Destruction_. Ulquiorra stared for a few seconds before, slowly nodding, his eyes flitting between the orange haired death god and the monument of kido. Finally he turned his back on both of them.

"Very good. I suppose that means my work is done. If we are no longer on opposite sides of a war then I do not see any reason for us to fight. I shall take my leave." He tried to walk away, but Ichigo caught his shoulder and turned him around. The former Quatro Espada glowered at the swordsman, but otherwise refrained from ripping his former landlord's arm off, much like Yammy. Heh.

"Are you really just going to leave? After everything you've done?!"

Ulquiorra frowned, this time in slight confusion. "I already explained my motives and reasons. I had rehearsed that speech for days, so don't tell me that you weren't even listening."

"Well, I was listening, but I still don't understand why you even wanted to help me, or why you kept all of this to yourself."

"Because it was easier that way, simple as that. Now, I am going to go. I have no further explanation to give. I'm tired, seeing as I very nearly ceased to exist not too long ago. Please leave me be. If you so desire another iteration of my explanation then you can wait. Now," The Hollow turned around and adopted a contemplative stance, with one arm crossed over his chest and the other propping up his chin, "I wonder if the Inoue girl is still willing to indulge in some lessons about having a heart? I feel very much like learning."

 **XXXXXXXXXX**

 **AN:** _I realized the other day why the Vasto Lorde Ichigo vs Ulquiorra fight is actually really funny. If you can figure it out for yourself and then tell me, I'll let the first person to do so pick a character to be the architect of Aizen's downfall in an upcoming chapter._

 _If nobody does this, then hey, I can't help it if you're all a bunch a squares with no initiative. That's your problem. Now bzzt! I feel like writing a western._


	7. Chapter 7

**XXXXXXXXXX**

"-With this level of Kido!"

Just as he made this proclamation of contempt, the ivory 'skin' that covered Souske Aizen's right arm burst off, like the surface of an ancient statue, taking the remnants of Kyoku Suogetsu with it. The Man Who Would Be God turned his eyes on this, unaware that one of his eyes had returned to normal while the other still sat in a pool of amethyst.

"…what? What's happening to me?!" He stared in open shock at his thin, pale and most definitely mortal arm, as though the limb itself was the very reason that he was so suddenly being plunged into this unknown scenario. Surprisingly, an answer was forthcoming to the despotic turncoat.

"It is the Hougyokou's Will," Urahara solemnly declared, any and all mirth long gone from his scruffy visage. "The reason the seal I shot into you is only now taking affect, is because your powers are starting to weaken." He turned his head slightly to acknowledge the orange haired teenager sitting somewhat between him and the outmaneuvered former captain. "This is all thanks to Ichigo. The seal was able to take effect because he fought so hard and pushed you to your limit."

Souske breathed in in short bursts, his body coming down from requiring no earthly sustenance to once again requiring air. He knew that he should be able to understand where the shop keeper was going with this, but it was hard for him to think, to move; everything felt as though his body was scattered to different ends of a dream, and he could only watch and listen, something he hated beyond reason.

Urahara returned his unusually flat and emotionless gaze to Aizen, giving the impression of looking at nothing more than an uninteresting exhibit in a museum. "The Hougyokou…is saying that it doesn't recognize you as its master."

 **XXXXXXXXXX**

A blur of white flashed down from the sunny sky and alighted a little ways off, standing erect and stoic. Small white cape flapping in the dwindling updraft caused by his entrance, opaque light reflecting off wire framed glasses, engraved silver cross dangling from where the chain was attached to a simple bangle; Uryu Ishida didn't look particularly pleased, though it was arguable if he was ever pleased when not making his opponent look like an imbecile. Speaking of…

"Not that I would expect so much from a Soul Reaper, but I thought that you might actually have been able to figure it all out by now. I suppose that was a bit of an overestimation."

"Uryu?" Ichigo gasped in shock at seeing his nemesis/rival/ally/friend. He still felt a gut wrenching feeling of guilt upon seeing the Quincy, having last left him shortly after his rampage as a Hollow; the very same attack that had left his sword impaled through Ishida's chest.

"Don't look so surprised Kurosaki. You must have realized at some point that I had been playing a larger game than any of you could see. I doubt either of these two even had an inkling as to my true objectives."

"And just what might those be?" Urahara inquired quietly, all too aware of the potential enemy that stood before him.

"You see, as a Quincy," Uryu began, pushing his glasses back up his nose with an almost snide gesture, "I am a sworn enemy of all soul reapers, and that includes substitutes and traitors. Our two people weren't at war too long ago that I'd suspect either of you two of being innocent of spilling Quincy blood. This meant that my honor as a Quincy was paramount whenever I should have dealings with a soul reaper, since you are to never face an opponent on a battlefield without respecting both yours and their capabilities. All Quincy are taught this early on, so I suspect that soul reapers must have caught on as well sooner or later. There wasn't much to gain by completely severing any information ties I might have into the very heart of your established order, so it was in my best interest as a Quincy to follow Kurosaki to the Soul Society in his quest to Quincy Quincy Quincy Rukia, though I Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy difficulties that Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy."

Ichigo blinked several times, trying to figure out just what was going on. He could have sworn that Uryu had just incessantly repeated the word Quincy like a madman. But a quick look at Urahara and Aizen showed that neither of them looked as though they were listening to a loony; in fact, they seemed to be paying him extra close attention as he detailed his plans and goals. Shaking his head to try and dislodge whatever was muddling up his hearing, the young shinigami tried to focus on the intellectual archer.

"-power, though in hindsight I suppose it might have been avoidable. It was child's play for Tosen to subdue me afterwards, and for that I admit I didn't exactly count on. But then when the others and I reunited, we all Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy. Quincy Quincy Quincy, Quincy Quincy Quincy the Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy 11th Squad Quincy us through the streets of Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy. Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy. Quincy Quincy…"

Now Ichigo was gaping with hopeless confusion at the sable haired sentry. Maybe he had put a little too much into that Mugetsu and was now delirious. It would explain a few things, but he didn't feel as though it was the right answer. Maybe…maybe this was all part of Aizen's illusion, only now starting to unravel. But when had he got him under Kyoku Suigetsu's spell? It just didn't make any sense!

"How?!" Aizen snarled, battling off the fast growing effects of the sealing kido. "How could you possibly have foreseen that all of that would happen? You had never had contact with the Soul Society and were unable to even know the names of any of the Captains, let alone what they planned!"

"That's Quincy, but Quincy never Quincy that Quincy then Quincy there, Quincy I? Quincy contrary, Quincy Ichigo Quincy you, Quincy quite Quincy at Quincy spur of Quincy and Quincy often Quincy opponents Quincy first Quincy seconds. Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy, Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy? Quincy: Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy. Quincy Quincy?"

"That's absurd!" Aizen roared in vehement denial, a feral rage smoldering in his usually serene brown eyes. "One such as you couldn't possibly have affected that wide an area! For a mere human, it would mean certain death and failure!"

"Unless," Kiuske suddenly perked up as he had an idea. "Unless he managed to actually get others to manipulate the areas for him. Proxies."

"Quincy. Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy, Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy, Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy. Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy."

"Ah!" Urahara exclaimed in amazement, while a reflected expression of dread understanding filled Aizen's face, now bordered by the kido. "I had no idea that that technique was anything more than outrageous theory."

"Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy. Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy, Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy, Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy," Uryu smirked, "Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy Quincy, Quincy Quincy Quincy."

At this point, Ichigo was practically pulling his own hair out at the roots. He didn't know what was going on, and nothing seemed to be following the course of logic. He was about to scream at the top of his lungs for somebody to explain-

When a spontaneous epiphany occurred to him in one bright, brilliant moment of understanding: Uryu was just being his normal self - it was Ichigo that had changed; he had made an unconscious filter for everything the teenaged Quincy said when in regards to anything about one of his plans. And it seemed to convey just as much information and diversity as usual.

With this revelation under his belt, the orange headed Soul Reaper made himself comfortable on the ground as the immaculate bowman went on explaining his needlessly self-absorbed and impossibly perceptive plot to the two older Shinigami, one of whom was almost completely sealed away as it was.

Whatever. As if what Uryu ever said proved to be important in the past, right?

 **XXXXXXXXXX**


	8. Chapter 8

** AN:** _Just wanted to say that this was started_ waaaaaaaaaaay _before a certain recent chapter was released, so a joke that's used was perfectly valid at the time. Now that it isn't, thanks to my languid and slothful tendacies, I honestly couldn't think of an appropriate replacement, so it stayed. Don't like it? Bite me, I'm the author and you're not. Plbbbt!_

 **XXXXXXXXXX**

"-With this level of Kido!"

Just as he made this proclamation of contempt, the ivory 'skin' that covered Souske Aizen's right arm burst off, like the surface of an ancient statue, taking the remnants of Kyoku Suogetsu with it. The Man Who Would Be God turned his eyes on this, unaware that one of his eyes had returned to normal while the other still sat in a pool of amethyst.

"…what? What's happening to me?!" He stared in open shock at his thin, pale and most definitely mortal arm, as though the limb itself was the very reason that he was so suddenly being plunged into this unknown scenario. Surprisingly, an answer was forthcoming to the despotic turncoat.

"It is the Hougyokou's Will," Urahara solemnly declared, any and all mirth long gone from his scruffy visage. "The reason the seal I shot into you is only now taking affect, is because your powers are starting to weaken." He turned his head slightly to acknowledge the orange haired teenager sitting somewhat between him and the outmaneuvered former captain. "This is all thanks to Ichigo. The seal was able to take effect because he fought so hard and pushed you to your limit."

Souske breathed in in short bursts, his body coming down from requiring no earthly sustenance to once again requiring air. He knew that he should be able to understand where the shop keeper was going with this, but it was hard for him to think, to move; everything felt as though his body was scattered to different ends of a dream, and he could only watch and listen, something he hated beyond reason.

Urahara returned his unusually flat and emotionless gaze to Aizen, giving the impression of looking at nothing more than an uninteresting exhibit in a museum. "The Hougyokou…is saying that it doesn't recognize you as its master."

 **XXXXXXXXXX**

"AWW NOOO! I missed it!" A sudden and distressed call startled all of them enough to elicit flinches from the two not presently being forcibly de-immortaled. With a sharp retort of flash step, Isshin Kurosaki, rocking a Lincoln-style chinstrap beard after spending several months in the Precipice World, stumbled into view, still visibly drained of most of his vitality.

"Dad?" Ichigo said aloud, flustered. Isshin nodded towards his progeny, bent forward slightly as he breathed deeply of the warm, dry air of the craggy region.

"Sorry kiddo; I really wanted to be here when you totally whupped this little nerd's ass into next century, to see the years of training finally pay off. Damn..." the Kurosaki patriarch hung his head morosely.

"'Years' of training? I was under the impression that time displacement between this dimension and the Precipice World was only on a factor of-"

Isshin waved off Urahara's inquiry, thankfully sparing them all from a scientific proclamation that was of dubious validity and would have been a subject for debate among any invisible persons observing the whole proceedings, or reading a written version of such.

"I don't just mean now, or even since Ichigo went to Soul Society first time 'round. C'mon Kiuske, you don't remember yet? You said that the memory blanket would only last as long as Aizen was a threat-" he nodded meaningfully at Aizen, who was suspiciously nonthreatening right now with his legs enveloped in the creeping rectangles of kido.

Urahara continued to look confused, and somewhat wary. The elder Kurosaki rubbed his beard considerately before a smile of triumph lit his face up. "Ah yeah, now I remember; we hid your trigger word under my own memory blanket." He crossed his arms and bent slightly at the waist towards the shopkeeper, looking smug. " _ Benihime."

Urahara reeled back in utter shock, the first time Ichigo had seen his part-time mentor's calm truly fractured. The name, what could only be Urahara's Bankai, seemed to draw forth no end of emotion from the scientist, and he visibly trembled under the onslaught - clenching both fists and screwing his eyes closed. This internal conflict didn't vanish, but it did abate enough for him to bow his head and cover his mouth with the palm of one hand, glancing over to where Ichigo still sat in the dirt.

"Oh Ichigo, I am so very sorry."

Needless to say, this was worrisome.

"Uhh..." the orange haired warrior tried to find something to say to that, but his father intervened.

"No, let us explain ourselves; then you can pass your judgment, and we will not try to shirk responsibility as we have nearly your entire life.

Uh-oh.

"Years ago, when I was still a Captain of the Seireitei, there was an incident," Isshin started while Urahara sat heavily on a boulder a little ways off. Aizen, curious despite himself, remained silent. "It happened just before I met your mother, when Souske here was experimenting with induced Hollow evolution and fiddling about with his dinky Hougyokou. What Mothra here never really realized about the Hougyokous was that they didn't just pull the energy for the transformations out of nowhere, even when someone else channeled reishei into it. Not even Kiuske knew any better not until later on."

It was here that the former Twelfth Squad Captain chipped in, still looking stunned and lacking any of his natural exuberance. "Through various instruments and the Hougyokou itself, I was able to ascertain that something... _unnatural_ was happening in Hueco Mundo, something that was quite unlike anything I'd ever heard of before. Through my sources, I was able to discreetly send word to the Seireitei about the disturbance, believing that they could handle it, or at least cause Aizen to temper his reckless experiments."

Isshin nodded, fingering the line between sheath and guard on Engetsu. "Yamamoto wanted to keep it on the down low, so he just sent for me directly. He wanted a Captain who had never affiliated with Kiuske in any way, seeing as it would both draw the least amount of attention for me to snoop and would hopefully prevent me from going traitor." He scowled over at Aizen. Aizen hissed. "It wasn't hard at all to infiltrate Hueco Mundo; I just released enough reishei in the living world to draw out a few Hollows, purified all but one, and then hitched a ride when it turned tail and ran home. Then I wandered. I was only there to scout and appraise whatever threat there might be to report."

He shook his head slowly, some of the lingering confusion showing through his brash exterior. Even now, years later, he was still uncertain about some of the things he had seen and experienced that week.

"It was while I was in the far reaches of the dessert, far from where we tentatively knew the Hollow Kingdom of 'Los Noches' was that I began to encounter...anomalies." Ichigo and Aizen both raised eyebrows (about all the latter could manage) at this. "I first though they were gargantas that had been left open, windows between all three worlds. But as I watched what happened in these windows, I saw so many strange and impossible things, events that couldn't have happened yet, locations that didn't look the same." Ichigo still looked lost, and Aizen seemed dismissive of what was being suggested, so Isshin cut to the chase: "I was looking through tears in the fabric of reality - at alternate dimensions."

Ichigo, familiar with some science-fiction, looked equally amazed and confused by this revelation, which was only appropriate for something of this magnitude and severity. Aizen looked like he wanted to blow a raspberry. Urahara picked up the narration to provide details.

"Every time the Hogyoukou was used, it siphoned some of the very energy that maintains the Universe. You can't just play god and do it without cost; the changes to our dimension were made at the cost of its integrity. At first it was just little things: something would be moved an inch to the left, or the shade of a paint became just slightly paler. But as the the Hogyoukou was used more and more, weakpoints developed and, eventually, these resulted in the tears Isshin saw. As far as we know, none showed up in the Seireitei due to the relatively few times Souske or I used our Hogyoukous there, but Hueco Mundo was his testing grounds and he wasn't at all reluctant about testing it every chance he got, so that was where the majority of the tears appeared."

"At first," Isshin continued seamlessly, "I though they were just tricks, but I eventually saw myself in one of them, so I paid interest to it. It showed the time Ryuken and I first met, which is something nobody, not even Butterguy could have known about. In that dimension, our meeting was much more violent, not ending well for either one of us, which is obviously not the case for this world. So I started watching all the other dimensions, seeing what other discrepancies I could find. Some were huge, like Ukitake being the Captain Commander or the Bounts replacing the Soul Reapers, while others were minuscule, like Ichimaru having red eyes or a book series was about a woman rather than a man.

"I thought it was all great fun, just something to watch like a show. I didn't take them seriously until I saw a world where Aizen had ravaged the Seireitei, and then another where he'd usurped all control and power of the Soul Reapers and the higher government, and another where he had been killed in his attempt to wage war. Of all the parallels I saw, Aizen's treachery was one of the few constants throughout. I figured that it must be for a reason, and began to form my suspicions. But for the time being, I needed to investigate the dimensional tears further to determine origin and whether they were a threat or not...so I tried to step into one."

He grimaced in pain and shame, two expressions Ichigo had never seen on his father's rugged face in all his life.

"The results were catastrophic. It was a world where the living were aware of Soul Reapers and Hollows, so I thought I wouldn't stick out too badly. But the moment I entered through the portal, it was as if the whole dimension started to shake itself to death – a seizure so violent that it ripped itself to pieces. Everyone was screaming and didn't know what was happening and-" He cut himself off, visibly contending with a lump in his throat as these memories were refreshed. "I couldn't do anything, think of anything. I was just frozen in place as the whole world ended in front of me. I can't remember if I tripped or was pushed, but I fell back through the portal just before it vanished, taking that world and every living creature along with it. I had just committed genocide on an unthinkable scale, and all I had done was take three steps."

Seeing that his old friend needed a moment, Urahara picked the tale back up. "We surmised that the tears themselves were relatively harmless, just being thin spots on the dimensional barrier. But by breaching that boundary, you suddenly cause a temporal wound that the fabrics of space-time cannot mend, like a bullet wound to the heart. It just isn't possible to jump from alternate dimension to alternate dimension without effectively murdering each dimension as you enter it, and large scale inter-dimensional traveling could actually cause so many these wounds that all of existence simply ceased to be."

Ichigo honestly didn't understand all of the concepts being bandied about, but he knew plenty enough that his face had gone chalk white at the implications. Aizen too looked perturbed, though only to the extent that he hadn't known any of this.

"So, if Aizen had kept using the Hogyokou, or used it to become the Spirit King..." the orange haired teen suddenly found his throat too dry to speak, but Urahara nodded all the same.

"He would have caused so many dimensional tears that they would have opened by themselves, destroying entire dimensions until-" he knocked his hands apart while making an explosion sound.

"We had to stop it." Isshin had turned around, shoulders hunched and back rigid, the posture of a man plagued by guilt but willingly enduring it. "We had to stop Aizen before he could finalize his plans. But after talking it over with Kiuske, we had no idea how we could do it, and we were helpless for years. We thought we would need to inform the Captain Commander and just pray that whatever fight happened wouldn't breach any of the tears. But then, something happened that was almost so obvious that we nearly missed it." He looked over his shoulder, and Ichigo saw both love and shame in his old man's steely eye. "You were born."

His stomach dropping into an endless canyon, the substitute soul reaper mutely shook his head, mind racing ahead to the terrible conclusion he was being led toward.

"Born from a Shinigami and a Quincy with inherited power from a Hollow, you were the wild card we needed to unbalance the deck in our favor. We knew that only by having somebody with a huge power-base could we have a chance at stopping Aizen, so I started training you from infancy, teaching you to subconsciously acknowledge and recognize spiritual beings, tempering your Reiryoku so you were much tougher and stronger than any other human before you could even walk, and then enrolling you in karate classes to begin your development as a warrior. After your mother died-" he stopped again, taking a moment to look into the sky. "After, I decided to stop and let you have a chance at living a normal life, one you couldn't have had if you wee a secret weapon. I thought maybe we had missed something, maybe there actually was another way to stop Souske's plans without tipping our hand.

"But as you got older, it became apparent that those early lessons hadn't simply gone away. You were brash and isolated, apart from everyone else your age though you didn't know why. You always had that fighting instinct in you, and trying to ignore it was detrimental to your development as a person. When Rukia granted you her power, it was impossible to pretend that you weren't fated for the purpose we had set you toward, and the responsibility was Kiuske's and mine to do our best to make up for a decade of lost time. We did something vile and heartless for good reasons, and we should have had the stomach to see it through."

Aizen was completely sealed by this point, having understood the gist of the revelation but unable to understand how he hadn't accounted for what he had heard. The two exiled Captains were silent, guilt churning violently in their guts and minds, a sense of exhaustion weighing down on them like an actual yoke of responsibility.

"Mom was a Quincy?"

Unprepared for that question, of all the possible ones he could have asked, Isshin and Urahara were startled out of their funk and looked to where Ichigo was regarding them with a frown. "I get that what you just said is some heavy shit, but you also kinda skated over the part where _my MOM was a QUINCY!_ "

The elder Kurosaki opened his mouth, but it hung there, devoid of anything smart to say. Urahara ballooned his cheeks in awkwardness as he scratched down the back of his robe.

"Really? After that whole speech, you forgot to mention that one, **huge** detail?" They pretended to be observing the clouds with rapt fascination. "No, of course not."

Isshin suddenly sprang at his son and wrapped a constricting arm around his neck in an over enthusiastic embrace, spilling the horribly exaggerated tears he was known for. "Oh Masaki! Our degenerate boy has become so observant and attentive!"

Urahara watched in stunned silence as Ichigo then proceeded to stomp his father's face into the ground, yelling at him to back the hell off. He really just didn't understand whatever twisted family dynamic these two had, but he at least acknowledged that a weaponized version of it had managed to bring down Aizen, so who was he to complain. Flicking his fan open, he settled in to watch as parent and child wrestled like squabbling children, rolling around in the dirt while trying to get a headlock on the other. "Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen," he murmured to himself. And you.

 **XXXXXXXXXX**

 _Fuck_ _"_ Bioshock: Infinite _"_. _Seriously._


	9. Chapter 9

**AN:** _A weaker entry, I admit, but nonetheless deserving of its place in the story. Much like how the Black Death has a place in history._

 **XXXXXXXXXX**

"-With this level of Kido!"

Just as he made this proclamation of contempt, the ivory 'skin' that covered Souske Aizen's right arm burst off, like the surface of an ancient statue, taking the remnants of Kyoku Suogetsu with it. The Man Who Would Be God turned his eyes on this, unaware that one of his eyes had returned to normal while the other still sat in a pool of amethyst.

"…what? What's happening to me?!" He stared in open shock at his thin, pale and most definitely mortal arm, as though the limb itself was the very reason that he was so suddenly being plunged into this unknown scenario. Surprisingly, an answer was forthcoming to the despotic turncoat.

"It is the Hougyokou's Will," Urahara solemnly declared, any and all mirth long gone from his scruffy visage. "The reason the seal I shot into you is only now taking affect, is because your powers are starting to weaken." He turned his head slightly to acknowledge the orange haired teenager sitting somewhat between him and the outmaneuvered former captain. "This is all thanks to Ichigo. The seal was able to take effect because he fought so hard and pushed you to your limit."

Souske breathed in in short bursts, his body coming down from requiring no earthly sustenance to once again requiring air. He knew that he should be able to understand where the shop keeper was going with this, but it was hard for him to think, to move; everything felt as though his body was scattered to different ends of a dream, and he could only watch and listen, something he hated beyond reason.

Urahara returned his unusually flat and emotionless gaze to Aizen, giving the impression of looking at nothing more than an uninteresting exhibit in a museum. "The Hougyokou…is saying that it doesn't recognize you as its master."

 **XXXXXXXXXX**

"Quite right Captain Urahara."

All three of them tensed, a deep feeling of dread rolling down their spines upon hearing the sweet and kindly voice. Slowly, glacially, they turned their heads as one to face the newcomer.

Stately and motherly, Retsu Unohana smiled demurely at them as though happening upon them during a stroll in the park. She had her hands clasped delicately in front of her chest and her pristine haori was without even a hint of damage or wear that any other person or creature would have picked up after traveling to and from Hueco Mundo and kneeling in the rubble of an ersatz city to heal the lacerations, burns, broken bones and dismemberments of the combatants felled there.

She was the very face of terror.

"...Un- Captain Unohana?" Aizen finally managed to get out, barely able to paste a strained smile on his face. It didn't escape him that the last time he had come face to face with the Captain of the Fourth...he had been mocking her. And now he didn't have an escape plan. And he was immobilized.

She bowed her head in acknowledgment, the smile never leaving her lips. Ichigo, in his current state of powerlessness, couldn't refrain the whole body shiver as wave upon wave of killing intent rolled off of the kindly appearing woman. Urahara felt lines of sweat tracing their way down his temples as he struggled down a swallow to make words for the words he didn't really want to put out in the open.

"If you don't mind my asking, what exactly are you doing back in the Seireitei? I thought you would have stayed in the decoy Karakura to help heal the wounded."

"Oh, I was certainly delayed by the most serious of injuries that required my attention, but there were surprisingly few of those: a few impalings, a lost limb or two, bifurcation. But Lieutenant Kotetsu is more than capable of treating those less grievously injured in my stead, granting me the freedom to come here as promptly as could be managed."

"Sooooo you're here to tend our injuries?" Kiuske inquired with a crooked smile, hardly fool enough to believe that possibility.

"While that is certainly a concern of mine, I mainly came here to ensure that former Captain Aizen was properly contained and handled. Though I do attempt to keep my personal feelings out of my work, I couldn't help but want to see the finale of what has been a very long ordeal, both personal and professional."

She had yet to say anything even remotely menacing, but all three of the male shinigami were twitching in agitation and leaning away from her (especially Aizen whose feet were encased in the beginning stage of the sealing bakudo), anticipating _**something**_ , though completely unsure as to what. This was carrying a very peculiar sense of Deja vu for them.

"Personal how?" Aizen inquired in an astonishingly normal voice, bereft of rage or pretension.

"'Personal' as in I have been working for some time to ensure your fall from grace, power and from finalizing your ultimate goal." Just as if she was dictating a grocery list, for all the importance she put in her words.

"You-" Aizen tried to push, but Unohana tilted her head slightly so that all but her smile was shrouded very briefly by the shadow that had inexplicably sprang up to wreath her face. Aizen clicked his jaw closed.

"Please do not interrupt before I have finished explaining. Manners cost you nothing, right?" Aizen mutely nodded, eyes wide. "Thank you." She nodded her head graciously. Ichigo and Kiuske took the lesson to heart and kept their questions to themselves for the time being. "Now, I shall explain briefly, as we don't all have the luxury of time." Again, she looked directly at Aizen with piercing silence, and the would-be Soul King wilted under her assault, not even trying to appear defiant anymore.

"Some years ago, after the events that resulted in the exile of Captain Urahara here as well as several other unfortunate soul reapers, I took it upon myself to investigate into the matter, as the verdict decided by the Central 46 had not sat well with me. I admit that I had not wanted to poke my nose into the affair, tragic that it was, which is why I did not act immediately, though that delay proved to be in my favor for by that time Souske Aizen had been promoted to Captain of Squad Five. This made it much easier to make inquiries without seeming overly interested in the actions of a Lieutenant.

"For all of his trickery and deceit, he was still bound to some limitations within our system, ones people do not tend to dwell on, being but small matters to pay only a modicum of attention to. One such example is the mandatory medical exam seated officers must submit themselves for once every five years in order to keep our records up to date. While I am sure he would have preferred to use his Complete Hypnosis to avoid the examinations, Aizen was cautious enough to recognize that a discrepancy might arise from constantly using his shikai as a proxy and was inclined to attend personally. I wasn't to know when he was or wasn't tricking me with his hitherto unknown ability, but I nonetheless performed both my professional examinations as well as my personal investigation whenever his check-up rolled around, so I managed to catch him some of the time.

"Using methods developed within Squad Four for trouble patients, I was able to covertly measure his reishei and discover that what he showed as his full power was but a fraction of his true strength, indicating that he was keeping us in the dark about many things. I decided to ensure that if he ever did turn on the Gotei 13, I would have a means of nullifying his power enough that he could be defeated."

Aizen, sealing bakudo up to his shoulders, looked meekly over to Urahara, who had jumped to the same conclusion as he had. They debated silently with their eyes, going back and forth like a ping pong game before Urahara huffed a breath looked back to Unohana, the exchange having only taken about three seconds.

"So you laced trap kido into his reishei that you could activate at your leisure to weaken him; a long term investment that proved to be fruitful."

The kindly smile returned to her face as she once more nodded in acknowledgment. "I did indeed. Initially I believed that it would be either Captain Commander Yamamoto or myself that would need to defeat him, but it soon became clear that we were too compromised to face him evenly, and young Kurosaki became the best and only option. He needed little in the way of aid from me personally, but I did insist on accompanying from Hueco Mundo, at least to be present when the threat finally ended."

Aizen said not a word as the bakudo finalized and he was sealed within the daunting spire, having nothing he wanted to say on the matter any longer. He actually welcomed the oblivion his prison now offered him.

"Now that that's over and done with, would you two please accompany me back to the Fourth Division. I am sure both of you are not likely to perish at any moment, but I would like to ensure that no lasting damage was sustained." She turned about and began walking sedately in the direction of the Seireitei. Urahara hauled Ichigo to his feet and they obediently followed the healer, neither completely sure about her explanation but unwilling to press the issue further. Better to just let it rest as is and never, ever look back on it.

 **XXXXXXXXXX**

 _I could have sworn this was supposed to be a_ _funny_ _story..._


	10. Chapter 10

**XXXXXXXXXX**

"-With this level of Kido!"

Just as he made this proclamation of contempt, the ivory 'skin' that covered Souske Aizen's right arm burst off, like the surface of an ancient statue, taking the remnants of Kyoku Suogetsu with it. The Man Who Would Be God turned his eyes on this, unaware that one of his eyes had returned to normal while the other still sat in a pool of amethyst.

"…what? What's happening to me?!" He stared in open shock at his thin, pale and most definitely mortal arm, as though the limb itself was the very reason that he was so suddenly being plunged into this unknown scenario. Surprisingly, an answer was forthcoming to the despotic turncoat.

"It is the Hougyokou's Will," Urahara solemnly declared, any and all mirth long gone from his scruffy visage. "The reason the seal I shot into you is only now taking affect, is because your powers are starting to weaken." He turned his head slightly to acknowledge the orange haired teenager sitting somewhat between him and the outmaneuvered former captain. "This is all thanks to Ichigo. The seal was able to take effect because he fought so hard and pushed you to your limit."

Souske breathed in in short bursts, his body coming down from requiring no earthly sustenance to once again requiring air. He knew that he should be able to understand where the shop keeper was going with this, but it was hard for him to think, to move; everything felt as though his body was scattered to different ends of a dream, and he could only watch and listen, something he hated beyond reason.

Urahara returned his unusually flat and emotionless gaze to Aizen, giving the impression of looking at nothing more than an uninteresting exhibit in a museum. "The Hougyokou…is saying that it doesn't recognize you as its master."

 **XXXXXXXXXX**

"My oh my oh my oh my oh my!" The recitation was slow at first but picked up intensity on the last few repeats. The voice: like an oiled up screwdriver being wormed into your ear canal. The tone: one of poorly concealed glee. The speaker: one Mayuri Kurotsuchi. "I am just _soooo_ excited that my little experiment was a success!" He crooned, practically dancing as he approached.

Upon seeing him, Urahara frowned, Ichigo opened his mouth slightly in confusion, and all the blood drained from Aizen's face like he was a Halloween prop.

"You arranged for-" But Kiuske was interrupted as a frantic and frenzied scream rose up out of the now defeated rouge captain. His usual poise completely gone, Souske Aizen screamed in a surprisingly high pitch, pointing at Kurotsuchi like a child that had just seen terror unimaginable within their closet in the dead of night. Not too far off the mark, as it happened.

"NOOOO!" He shrieked, attempting futilely to backpedal away only to find his feet glued to the ground by the kido crawling up his body. "NOT YOU! NOT YOU!"

Mayuri just cackled as he continued to advance on the immobile tyrant, grotesquely agile fingers wiggling in delight. "Oh? Don't you want to hear my grand revelation? How it was I who orchestrated your downfall for the purpose of obtaining a one-of-a-kind test specimen?"

If possible, Aizen's screaming increased in volume. "STAY AWAY! BACK! HEEEEELLLPPP! NOOOOOOOOO!" He thrashed in his expanding restraint, eyes wide and filled with the horrific visions of what would happen to him if the demented scientist got his hands on him. "PLEA-EA-EA-EASSSSEEEE!" He was actually sobbing now, desperation obliterating any sense of pride he might once have had. It was both wretched and awe inspiring to behold.

Kurotsuchi ambled up to Aizen and ran a finger along the cyst like kido, examining it with a manic grin. He made sure that his eyes and smile were as large as they could, which was beyond inhumanly so, and stared the absolutely petrified Aizen in the eye. "We are going to have such fun in my labs! With your augmentations, there could be no limit to the number of tests I can run on you! Oh. Happy. Day."

The last Ichigo and Urahara saw of Aizen before the bakudo enclosed him completely, a very strong case could be made that he had probably wet himself, a particularly unforeseen final note to his attempt at godhood.

"Now, all that remains is to transport him to my labs before the other Captains find out about this." He let his head loll to the side so that he could fix the other two shinigami with an intent stare. "I can, of course, count on both of you keeping this strictly confidential? My new test subject should keep me occupied for some time, but I am always seeking new ones for my experiments on organ transmutation..."

Ichigo and Kiuske both nodded their heads like jackhammers.

"Very good!" He looked back the way he had come. "Nemu! Lazy girl, get over here and help me transport the good captain here back to the twelfth!"

Ichigo slowly rubbed a hand over his mouth. "Holy shit," he mumbled, muffled by his fingers. Urahara mutely nodded in agreement. Goddamn clowns...

 **XXXXXXXXXX**

 _I think this is just going to be the story where I slip in as many swear words as I feel like._


	11. Chapter 11

**AN:** _Depending on whether or not I decide any of the remaining chapters are just too stupid to include, this here marks the halfway point of the story. I should probably feel proud, but mostly I just feel like I should punch myself in the face. Repeatedly._

 _Fuck you Prophet of the past._

 **XXXXXXXXXX**

"-With this level of Kido!"

Just as he made this proclamation of contempt, the ivory 'skin' that covered Souske Aizen's right arm burst off, like the surface of an ancient statue, taking the remnants of Kyoku Suogetsu with it. The Man Who Would Be God turned his eyes on this, unaware that one of his eyes had returned to normal while the other still sat in a pool of amethyst.

"…what? What's happening to me?!" He stared in open shock at his thin, pale and most definitely mortal arm, as though the limb itself was the very reason that he was so suddenly being plunged into this unknown scenario. Surprisingly, an answer was forthcoming to the despotic turncoat.

"It is the Hougyokou's Will," Urahara solemnly declared, any and all mirth long gone from his scruffy visage. "The reason the seal I shot into you is only now taking affect, is because your powers are starting to weaken." He turned his head slightly to acknowledge the orange haired teenager sitting somewhat between him and the outmaneuvered former captain. "This is all thanks to Ichigo. The seal was able to take effect because he fought so hard and pushed you to your limit."

Souske breathed in in short bursts, his body coming down from requiring no earthly sustenance to once again requiring air. He knew that he should be able to understand where the shop keeper was going with this, but it was hard for him to think, to move; everything felt as though his body was scattered to different ends of a dream, and he could only watch and listen, something he hated beyond reason.

Urahara returned his unusually flat and emotionless gaze to Aizen, giving the impression of looking at nothing more than an uninteresting exhibit in a museum. "The Hougyokou…is saying that it doesn't recognize you as its master."

 **XXXXXXXXXX**

*wheeze wheeze*

The sound carried surprisingly far over the dry canyon floor, giving the three of them plenty of time to notice the figure headed towards them. A slight heat haze made him wavy like a mirage, but it was still plenty clear that it was Captain Juushiro Ukitake. He was still a ways off, jogging haggardly and with a hand at his side, so they just watched him in silence.

*coughcoughcoughcoughCOUGH!*

He stopped, needing a few staggering steps to halt completely and double over, hacking into his fist while fumbling around inside his haori for a handkerchief. Finally extracting one -proudly monogrammed with the kanji for 13- he held it to his mouth for half a minute, absorbing the force of the respiratory contractions that were laying him low. He needed a few moments afterwards to catch his breath, using that time to inspect the white cloth for telltale blood spots.

Satisfied by his lack of findings, he carefully folded the handkerchief back into a straight-edged rectangle with the kanji on the bottom of the outside fold and tucked it back into an inner pocket, accomplishing the meticulous work with a well practiced precision. Clearing his throat a few times, he looked over towards the three other shinigami, who were still regarding him with blank expressions.

Straightening both his his posture and his haori, the Captain of Squad 13 resumed his jog to their position, breathing steadily and precisely. He had learned long, long ago that trying to use Flash Step while his condition was aggravated was a mighty fine recipe for vomiting blood, severe dehydration and life generally sucking ass. It was a real shame, too, because he could be one of the fastest soul reapers on his good days, even giving Byakyua a run for his money.

But while centuries had taught him patience with his unique condition of ' _Hasnodamnedlungsitis_ ', he was still restricted to a speed easily matched by a living human, and it was a straight miracle that he had made it there from the Living World so quickly, especially after getting handed a beatdown that should rightfully have sent him to intensive care for weeks.

For several, mind numbing minutes he trudged towards them, triggering a foggy memory of " _Monty Python_ " in the twisted mind of Urahara. This carried on for far, far too long, but the three observers found that they just could not tear their eyes away from the mind-boggling sight.

At the turn of the next epoch, the white haired Captain at last came to a stop within comfortable conversation range, hands on his knees as he struggled to get his breathing under control and suppress the next coughing fit. His hands were trembling terribly, but he closed his eyes and ran through the meditative exercises he had learned from an instructional booklet thoughtfully provided to him by Captain Soi Fon, soon bringing his body back under control.

Straightening, he inhaled deeply through his nose and let it out slowly from his mouth. Then he opened his eyes and set a serious look on the silent shinigami in front of him. He raised a finger into the air and opened his mouth-

Aizen's seal completely engulfed him and solidified in its completed form.

"Shit!"

 **XXXXXXXXXX**

 _A nice metaphor for the speed at which this gets updated._


	12. Chapter 12

_Question: Why are these chapters like Winnie the Pooh?_

 _Answer: They are chock full of fluff and not a single bother is given._

 **XXXXXXXXXX**

"-With this level of Kido!"

Just as he made this proclamation of contempt, the ivory 'skin' that covered Souske Aizen's right arm burst off, like the surface of an ancient statue, taking the remnants of Kyoku Suogetsu with it. The Man Who Would Be God turned his eyes on this, unaware that one of his eyes had returned to normal while the other still sat in a pool of amethyst.

"…what? What's happening to me?!" He stared in open shock at his thin, pale and most definitely mortal arm, as though the limb itself was the very reason that he was so suddenly being plunged into this unknown scenario. Surprisingly, an answer was forthcoming to the despotic turncoat.

"It is the Hougyokou's Will," Urahara solemnly declared, any and all mirth long gone from his scruffy visage. "The reason the seal I shot into you is only now taking affect, is because your powers are starting to weaken." He turned his head slightly to acknowledge the orange haired teenager sitting somewhat between him and the outmaneuvered former captain. "This is all thanks to Ichigo. The seal was able to take effect because he fought so hard and pushed you to your limit."

Souske breathed in in short bursts, his body coming down from requiring no earthly sustenance to once again requiring air. He knew that he should be able to understand where the shop keeper was going with this, but it was hard for him to think, to move; everything felt as though his body was scattered to different ends of a dream, and he could only watch and listen, something he hated beyond reason.

Urahara returned his unusually flat and emotionless gaze to Aizen, giving the impression of looking at nothing more than an uninteresting exhibit in a museum. "The Hougyokou…is saying that it doesn't recognize you as its master."

 **XXXXXXXXXX**

"But of course it would refuse to bend the knee to such a rapacious knave as this scoundrel!"

Following on the trails of such over-dramatic words, a shinigami man wearing the usual kimono under a unique white-striped jacket and wearing the armband of a Lieutenant dropped from the sky and landed in a half crouch, Zanpakuto extended straight out towards them while his off hand hovered in the air behind his head: the quintessential fencing pose seen in many a movie. His hair was a silvery gray that denoted age but was full and well kept. Under his narrow eyes and aristocratic nose was a thin mustache that was groomed to flawless perfection, as such things went.

Nobody recognized him.

"I arrive, on the eleventh hour, to provide this stricken audience with a tale most treacherous and compelling as to make the Bard himself weep in joy and jealousy. Though you may have overlooked the extra in this grand production, he was unbeknownst to all the stage director and kept a watchful eye on all. Ha-HA!" He gave a little twirl of his sword to accompany his cry of triumph.

"Eeehhh..." Ichigo tried to supply something smart to say, but his tired brain refused to cooperate.

"Worry not, young hero. I shall explain all, and you will remain in the shadows no more!"

Ichigo looked to Urahara for help, but the older man was staring with screwed up eyes at the late arrival, contemplating harder than the substitute Soul Reaper had ever seem him contemplate before. He looked to Aizen instead, and the defeated tyrant could only give him a quizzical shrug in response.

"Our tale begins some time ago, in the ages your people would come to chronicle as the 'Medieval Era'. The great land of the Royal Isles of Britain were but still in their infancy, growing as a naive and cultured child might in the presence of scholars and renowned educators of the mental pantheon: Art, Math, Science, Geography, Music! The wars that were waged were undeniably brutal, but driven by honor and never a trifling matter as the riff-raff of the modern day might have you believe! No sir! England was a positive hotbed of exciting affairs that would come to shape and influence numerous other countries and societies in the coming years, acting as the progenitor of a fair justice system, military sophistication, advanced sciences and so much more! But I am not here to regale with the glory of Great Britain! Allow me to-"

Urahara finally found his words and interrupted. "Who...are you?" He was dead serious, and each word was filled with puzzlement at this strange man's behavior, words and origin.

The shinigami froze in mid monologue, mouth half open as his brain almost audibly screeched to a halt and tried to back up. He stood up straight and leveled an annoyed, mildly contemptuous glare at the scruffy shopkeep. "Your japes are of ill repute, Kisuke Urahara, and now is no time for such frivolity."

"I am one hundred percent certain that I have never met you in my life," Urahara insisted, still eerily serious. Ichigo nodded in agreement and Aizen raised an eyebrow. It sounds inexpressive, but it was literally his main form of communication with the Espada in Hueco Mundo, so he had become quite adept at including subtle nuances that affected the meaning of an arched brow. The surviving arrancar from his reign would come to have difficulty recalling the sound of his voice in future years, but they would all remember when he had quirked an eyebrow in playful but threatening reprimand, or had slowly lifted a brow to admit curiosity on a subject and bidding them to continue with their report, or even when he had shrugged one brow with a faint echo from the other as he explained away a problem with "Complete Hypnosis". He did tend to use this last one quite frequently. Many of the lower arrancars had been hypnotized so many times that their minds actually became like wiped discs and were highly susceptible to even the most innocuous suggestion, sometimes even inducing an over-zealous worship of Aizen that bordered on cult-y, and were then extremely hostile to most anyone else. He privately referred to this as the 'Bitch Syndrome'; wherein the afflicted became total bitches and he was still top dog, and only half of that was a canine metaphor. He often thought that Ulquiorra had actually overloaded and become a 'Frigid Bitch', which Gin would have found hysterical if he weren't dead. The conniving member of his triumvirate had once criticized Emilou Apacci for "bitching about every little thing", which had directly led to Harribel lecturing him on the importance of proper etiquette when regarding a member of the opposite gender while Aizen cocked an eyebrow for the sheer irony.

( _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!_ )

"Are...what do you mean you you have never met me!? I was present at you Captain's Exam, an event you should very well remember!"

Kisuke opened his mouth, closed it, thought for a moment, the admitted "Actually, there might have been four people there, come to think of it. But I don't recall your face, not from then or ever in my career."

"Were you perhaps one of the cafeteria workers at the Shinō Academy?" Aizen queried. Kisuke snapped his fingers.

"THAT might be it! I only went there as a formality and didn't really pay attention to the staff, so you might have slipped under my radar."

"I am not a food server!" The mysterious shinigami stamped his foot. "I am a Lieutenant in the 13 Court Guard Squads and have been for centuries! My title and position are testament to my knowledge, skill and power, and I will not be belittled by a traitor, a buffoon and a teenager!"

Kisuke looked to Aizen. "Do you know which Lieutenants have been around for over a century?" The former Captain of the Fifth shook his head.

"All of the current Liuetenants have been instated within the last seventy years, and this man is most assuredly not one of them. He might be a lunatic." The hypocrisy of that last statement was so astounding that it sailed right over everyone's head like a bloated dirigible, undetected.

"I am Chojiro Sasakibe, sole Liuetenant of Squad One and Genryusai Yamamoto's companion and student for a millennium! I predate the Soul Reapers as a whole! I was the inspiration for the role of Lieutenants in the first place!"

At this, Urahara made a small exclamation. "Squad One actually HAS a Lieutenant? I always thought that was just a myth the lower seats spread around for fun." Aizen nodded to this.

"I have heard those stories as well. I presumed the Yamamoto had deliberately planted them to keep people guessing about his information network."

Ichigo was looking to the side, mumbling to himself. "...grabbed Rukia, threw her to Renji, fought two Liuetenants...or was it three...?"

Chojiro had had it. Unsteady in his rage, he needed a few tries to jam his Zanpakuto back into its sheathe before turning on his heel and stomping off. He had only made it a few yards before Ichigo spoke up. "Wait, I DO remember you!"

Stopping, Sasakibe looked back with hopeful eyes.

"Yeah! I took you out with that tall girl and the fat guy after I saved Rukia! Only took one hit even though you had unsealed your shikai, for some reason."

"PISS OFF YOU GROTTY LITTLE WANKERS!"

And then the mysterious Lieutenant was gone in a whisk of Flash Step, leaving three, very confused soul reapers behind to try and puzzle out just who that mustachioed stranger had really been.

"Do you think we'll ever see him again?" The orange-headed teenager asked with quiet wonder.

"Only when we need him most, and shine his symbol into the night sky," answered Aizen, with absolutely no shred of humor meant.

 **XXXXXXXXXX**

 _And there goes half of my European readers..._


End file.
